You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
