They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
