I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
