please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
