So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
