Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
