Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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