The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
