if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
