i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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