I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
