A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think my moral compass just broke
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
