You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
