i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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