so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Holy sore nipples Batman
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
