And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
