How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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