I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Alive.
So much puke
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
