During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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