My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
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