worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
