he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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