Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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