Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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