She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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