i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
