New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
