take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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