Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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