I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
