Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
