"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
