I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am full of burrito and curiosity
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
