Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
