i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
