I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
