i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
