Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have fence marks all over my body
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
