its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
