What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
