So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
