I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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