I need help removing her.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
