Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
