just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
