I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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