I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
