Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
