wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
