you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
