her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
