Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
