i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
