my sisters under your porch take her home
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
