Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
