Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
