She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
