my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
