There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
